Why choose forgiveness rather than bitterness?

My wife and I enjoyed watching the movie The Light Between Oceans

Against a backdrop of beautiful and wild scenery, it deals with deep issues about trauma, parenthood, infertility, honesty, justice, and forgiveness.

One of the most powerful and central dialogues of the film is a dialogue between a wife and her husband, Frank. The version below is taken directly from the novel on which the movie is based.

 “But how? How can you just get over these things, darling?...You've had so much strife but you're always happy. How do you do it?'

'I choose to...I can leave myself to rot in the past, spend my time hating people for what happened, like my father did, or I can forgive and forget.'

'But it's not that easy.'

He smiled that Frank smile. 'Oh, but my treasure, it is so much less exhausting. You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You have to keep remembering all the bad things...I would have to make a list, a very, very long list and make sure I hated the people on it the right amount. That I did a proper job of hating, too: very Teutonic! No' - his voice became sober- 'we always have a choice. All of us.”

― M. L. Stedman, The Light Between Oceans

Cooking up meaningful relationships

Last weekend my wife and I went to the movie theatre to see, The Kitchen Brigade, a feel good French movie. A gourmet chef loses her job because she cannot get along with others, particularly a pretentious and demanding restaurant owner. The only job she can get is in a canteen, cooking for a group of young African men, who are in France with precarious legal status. The movie is quite funny, the characters are endearing, and it builds empathy for the plight of refugees and immigrants. Some might consider there are elements of the "white saviour" genre trope. On the other hand, the redemption that occurs is mutual.

A while back we also enjoyed watching the movie Mostly Martha. It is also quite funny, celebrates food, makes you hungry, and highlights that relationships matter.

I had a feeling of deja vu watching the movie. I was pretty sure I had seen it before. Well not quite, my daughter pointed out that there is a Hollywood version, No Reservations. I had seen that one.

Capturing neighbourhood life in a civil war

Belfast is a beautiful and touching movie, that seeks to capture what life must have been like for just one family living in a Belfast neighbourhood as "the troubles" unfolded in the late 1960s. It captures the tragedy, stupidity, and humanity of civil war, violence, prejudice, and religion in its most divisive form.

The scene that I found the most poignant was when Ma and Pa (the wife and husband) argue about leaving Belfast for a better life in England. Ma says

"You an me, we have known each other since we

were toddlers. We’ve known this street, and every

street round it, all our lives, an every man, woman, an’

chil’ that lives in every bloody house, whether we like

it or not.

I like it.

An’ y’ say you’ve a wee garden for them boys? But

here they can play where the hell they like, cos

everybody knows them, everybody likes them, and

everybody looks after them.

If we go over the water, them people’s not gonna

undestan’ a word we say, an’ half o’ them’ll take the

hand outta us for soundin’ different.

The o’r half, they’ll hate us cos men here are killin

their young sons on our streets, an’ they think we

couldn’ give a shite.

Y’ think they’ll welcome us with open arms, an’ say

‘Come on in, an’ well done for stealin a house off of

us?’"

The movie is a great testimony to the value of community and of family. 

The tragedy of family and economic failure

Why do some people end up poor and broken while others are prosperous and flourish? No doubt, family of origin and local economic circumstances each play a large role. The relative importance of these different factors is contentious and is often at the heart of (often divisive) political debates.

This debate was promoted in the USA by the book, Hillbilly Elegy, by J.D. Vance, published five years ago. Four years ago I blogged about the political issues raised by the book.

I recently watched the movie version of the book.

The main value of the movie is that it allows one to feel more directly the pain and tragedy of growing up in a family that is rife with violence, verbal abuse, conflict, poverty, substance abuse, hopelessness, and a deficit of accountability, affirmation, and opportunity. In spite of the dysfunction, there is still love and hope, particularly embodied in Vance's grandmother and the tenderness and mutual support in J.D.'s relationship with his sister.

It is probably unrealistic to hope that such a movie can capture some of the discussion of economic and political contexts and issues discussed in the book. Time magazine has a helpful article, putting the movie in context.

Who is the greatest?

Recently I talked with some friends about Matthew 18:1-7, where Jesus answers the question, ``Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of God?'' Here are my notes.

Slow living in black and white

My wife and I watched (endured?) the movie Roma, which chronicles the life of a maid living with an upper-middle-class family in Mexico City in the 1970s. It is hard to know what to say. On the one hand, the photography (in black and white) is amazing. It encourages the viewer to slow down and engage with the moment, whether water going down a drain or the pain of betrayal. On the other hand, it is very slow! There is a social justice dimension but this was not as strong as I hoped. There is a certainly a message about how women cannot depend on men!
Perhaps for me, the most interesting thing was learning about the Corpus Christi Massacre; a black operations army group (trained in the USA) killed more than 100 student protesters. This was part of Mexico's "Dirty war".

Weathering the storms of life in rural Australia

My daughter gave me a copy of the novel, The Dry by Jane Harper. It successfully achieves several things that one rarely sees in a novel: a captivating and clever murder mystery, wonderful prose, a story of people coming to terms with the trauma of their past, and a picture of life in a specific community: a small town in rural Australia suffering in a drought.
The novel was praised in a New York Times review.

Even a scrooge can be redeemed

My lovely daughter's Christmas gift to our family was an outing to see A Christmas Carol, the theatrical adaptation of the classic novella by Charles Dickens.
I am not sure I have ever seen it before.

The story brings together many substantial themes: economic inequality, the plight of poor children, joy, judgement, love of money, the meaning of Christmas, altruism, and redemption.
The Bible story it most reminded me was the story of Lazarus and the rich man that Jesus told.

Christmas is about Emmanuel: God with us. Jesus is God's great and generous gift to humanity. He reveals who God is and offers us free redemption. This generosity should inspire us to be generous, particularly to those less privileged than us.

Pele and the beautiful game

On a recent flight I enjoyed watching the movie Pele: Birth of a Legend. It does many things well: pays tribute to the greatest footballer of all time, chronicles his life as a child in poverty, shows the role of Ginga (a unique creative style of play) in Brazilian history and identity, highlights issues of racism and social class, shows the value and influence of families, illustrates the passion of football, ... 
It is a beautiful game!



I think some of the negative reviews are too harsh.  Albeit, my view of movies is certainly coloured if I watch them on a long flight, when I am somewhat bored and half brain dead.

The collateral damage of evil

On a recent flight I watched the recent movie remake of Murder on the Orient Express, based on the classic mystery novel by Agatha Christie.



On the one hand it is "harmless" entertainment; an interesting murder mystery with some unexpected twists. On the other hand, it strongly brings out how a single act of evil (murder of a child) has a disturbingly large "ripple effect" deeply touching (and ruining) the lives of many others, even those who might be considered to be on the periphery of the event.

Cooking up a good feeling

I enjoyed watching the movie, Chef, even if it is a bit corny with the happy ending.
It does highlight some basic things that are too often overlooked in modern life.
In jobs, freedom and creativity count for more than money, status, and security.
What really matters is relationships, particularly with family.

Does she belong in the slum?

My wife and I really enjoyed watching the movie, Queen of Katwe. It is based on the true story of a young Ugandan woman, Phiona Mutesi. She becomes a national chess champion while growing up in a slum.


I first heard of the movie after a story about Phiona appeared on the front page of the Seattle Times. Then a friend who works in a slum in Africa said he watched it with a group of local children to inspire them. Less than a week later my daughter independently recommended it.

The movie does a beautiful job of capturing many things.

The tragic daily grind and challenge of living in a poor family.... homelessness... debt... prostitution... disease... accidents... filth... floods... widowhood... no education.... lack of hope..

The "atmosphere" and imagery of a slum. This brought back memories of some of my limited experiences in South Asia.

The value of mentoring and role models.

Teaching chess to slum children teaches so much more. Here there are similarities to another movie and true story.

How human dignity transcends economic circumstance, family background, and street address.

To me, an important thing to remember is that the life depicted in the slum is what about one billion people experience.

Was Steve Jobs a hero?

I enjoyed watching the Steve Jobs movie, based on a screenplay by Aaron Sorkin [to me famous for West Wing]. It has the creativity and intense dialogue that one expects from Sorkin


I have a few minor comments.

I never quite understand people who go on about how Jobs "changed people's lives" and "transformed the world" and is a hero like Gandhi, Einstein, Gutenberg, Edison, ...
To me, he was one of several key players in the computer revolution.
The movie shows how Jobs had a cult-like status and people were just "dying" to attend his latest product launch.
I agree his creativity and achievements were significant. I love my Mac and much prefer it to a Windows PC. But I just don't feel this gives my life more meaning, purpose, or enrichment.

Given the way he poorly treated many work colleagues, should he be respected? A key issue is whether you believe that the ends justify the means. I don't.

The movie shows how people can have a lot of professional and financial success but at the end of the day what matters is close personal relationships; with family, friends, and colleagues.
We all hunger for acceptance, recognition, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

A long journey of emotional resolution

My wife and I went to see the movie Lion. It recreates the true story of an Indian boy who is separated from his poor family and ends up getting adopted by an upper middle-class family in Australia.

I highly recommend it. Besides being a moving story it deals with several substantial issues:

the incredible emotional bond between children and parents, whether adopted or biological

the jarring disparity between the material poverty of much of India and the material wealth and comfort of upper middle-class Australia (something I am too familiar with),

the tragedy of street children.

Who are they running from?

My family enjoyed watching the movie, Hunt for the Wilderpeople. A teenage boy bounces from foster home to home, before ending on a farm in the wilds of New Zealand with an eccentric couple. Tragic events lead to a wild chase through beautiful wilderness as a Government social worker tries to capture him. Largely the movie is funny, the scenery is stunning, and it has a redemptive message. But, it also does highlight the tragedy of such children and how they are failed by not just their own families but by government agencies who are meant to be protecting them.

The value and importance of children

Last week I gave a talk at a SAIACS chapel service.

It was based on Luke 18:15-17

People were also bringing babies to Jesus for him to place his hands on them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them.  But Jesus called the children to him and said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’

I considered the relevance of this to four categories of children:

i. our own children if we have them
ii. children in our church
iii. children in society
iv. children on the margins: the unborn, orphans, street children, trafficked, handicapped, …

Here is an edited version of the talk. 

The quote about Bob Pierce, founder of World Vision, is from here.

Tragic white mothers and black maids

I enjoyed watching the movie The Help with my wife and some friends. It is striking that the racist events depicted in the movie occurred in my lifetime. A friend pointed out the almost complete absence of men in the movie; the men that were featured in a small way were passive or abusive. One exception is a preacher in a black church.

The white mothers in the movie were really strange to me. They thought their black maids were "lower life forms" but entrusted them with raising their children. What does that say about the mother's view of their own children? Were they just a burden and inconvenience like mopping the floor?

Cooking up a family reconciliation

I enjoyed watching the movie Today's Special. It is a light-hearted "foodie" movie. A young man in New York  wants to become a great chef. However, due to his father'hs poor health he is forced to take over the Indian restaurant owned by his father, an immigrant of Indian Muslim origin.

 

It nicely portrays the reconciliation of father and son and multi-cultural New York. The movie makes you want to go out and eat some good Indian food. This is good since I am in India right now!

A dark period of American history

I enjoyed watching the movie Trumbo, which is based on the fascinating and true story of the screenwriter Dalton Trumbo who was blacklisted in Hollywood in the McCarthy era because of communist sympathies.



It nicely portrays Trumbo's engaging personality, the petty personal and political ambitions of his opponents, and the personal cost to his family of his stubbornness and his principled stand.

The highs and lows of family

My wife and I enjoyed watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (at the movie theatre!). It is light hearted fun but does deal with the challenges of marriage, extended family, in-laws, immigrant identity, and children leaving home...



We enjoyed it so much we decided we will watch the original again tomorrow night.