My twelve rules for life

To many one of the surprising phenomena of the past five years has been the popularity (and animosity towards) Jordan Peterson, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Toronto, who has become a Youtube "celebrity", both for his lectures (some of which engage with the Bible) and his live interactions with his opponents on TV talk shows.  His book, Twelve Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos has sold five millions of copies. In some ways, Peterson has become a key figure in the "culture wars" in Western society. People either love him or loathe him. He is particularly loved by young single secular men who find that he has provided orientation and purpose (for better or worse) to their lives. The New York Times columnist, David Brooks, noted

My friend Tyler Cowen argues that Jordan Peterson is the most influential public intellectual in the Western world right now, and he has a point.

The purpose of this post is not for me to take sides in the debate about Peterson, rather it is to engage in an exercise that Peterson has stimulated others to do. Write down their own "rules for life", particularly those that they would recommend to younger people. Examples are Tyler Cowen's 12 rules, and Megan McArdle's.

At first, I did not see the point of me writing down my own 12 rules. Why not just say, "obey the Ten Commandments"? However, it was pointed out to me that the problem with that stance is that secular young people will not engage with such sentiments.  So, here are my "laws". I should explain the approximate criteria that I have tried to use in coming up with them. Their goal is to promote human flourishing, particularly for individuals facing the challenges and opportunities of the postmodern Western world. They are "exhortations" of things to think and do, not observations about the way that the world is. But, I would like to think that they are based on observations about the way that the world actually is. There is some overlap between the different rules.

 

1. Accept that life is not all about you

This may go against all your instincts, wishes, and what you have been told by parents, teachers, school counselors, and advertising. Being self-centred does not work. You need other people, both to function in this world and to have a meaningful life. This is why you need to observe the next law.

2. Cultivate and preserve relationships
They are central to everything in life. We need them to survive, to function, to prosper, and to flourish.

3. Listen and learn

Most of us like to air our opinions and be the centre of attention. But, we are very finite and have limited knowledge, understanding, and life experience. The only way we can address that is by taking the time and energy to listen attentively to others. Listening and conversation are arts. Express sympathy before solutions

We need to listen not just for the words but the feelings behind the words. Then we need to respond not just at an intellectual level (particularly by presenting our "solutions" to other people's "problems").

4. Expect, respect, and learn from diversity

You are unique. No one else in the universe is like you. Your DNA, life experience, strengths, weaknesses, and personality are like no one else. Hence, don't expect other people to be just like you, try to make them like you, or marginalise them because they are different to you.

5. Don't let money determine everything

This world is obsessed with money: salaries, investments, purchases, economic growth, shopping, budgets, fundraising,... But, money tends to skew priorities in the wrong direction, too often harms relationships, and leads to disappointments, whether you gain it or lose it.

6. Get a dog! 

Then you won't take yourself and life so seriously. You will have more fun. You can see these rules, unlike Peterson's, are all a bit too serious and not very funny. Just like me. A dog helps. Get one.

7. Accept that some things are more complex than you might think
The world is complex and life is complex. That can be overwhelming, scary, and confusing. Perhaps too often may think we understand things and be drawn to simplistic solutions. [Elect this politician and the country will get better, The answer to drug addiction is ...., ]. A lot of life is gray, not black and white. Accept nuance. 

8. Accept that some things are simpler than you might think

On the other hand, some of us have a tendency to make things very complicated, whether it is academic jargon, training programs, or bureaucratic procedures. We also may procrastinate about concrete action because we want to make complex plans. For example, on the one hand managing people is complex. On the other hand, if you do just a few simple things: listen, show an interest in them as a person, and adjust their job to their strengths, you can be quite a successful manager.

9. Aim to live in reality, not in fantasy

We all wish that the world was a certain way; that it conformed to our view of it. It may be scary and disorienting to accept that it may not be like that. However, because we are so finite, we need to be open to the fact that we may be wrong, be willing to change our views, and how we live as we butt up against the way the world really is.

10. Practise forgiveness 

No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, some big, some small. When we are wronged by someone, whether intentionally or not, our relationship may be at a crossroads. Too often we are unwilling to forgive, even when an apology is offered. We destroy relationships and live in bitterness. Forgiveness is powerful and can heal us and our relationships.

11. Focus on your own shortcomings rather than those of others
Our natural tendency is to be blind to our own shortcomings, weaknesses, and failings but to have a highly tuned sense of the failings of others. This hinders both personal growth and good relationships.

12. Consider Jesus

Arguably, he is the most influential person in human history. His teachings, life, death, and influence over two thousand years are worthy of serious study and engagement.

One may notice that perhaps the most common themes in my laws are those of humility and the importance of relationships.

I welcome comment on my rules.